| 4 weeks |
[Mar. 30th, 2007|08:51 pm] |
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I think I'm really ready to go. I'm not so sure I'll miss it. The people yes, some. |
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| eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! |
[Dec. 13th, 2006|12:12 am] |
So I'm getting a tattoo tomorrow, and I'm equal parts terribly excited and terrbily afraid.
I am in love with the idea of the tattoo and its meaning, but I haven't seen the finished design but saw my tattoo lady yesterday at casa and she told me about it and I'm excited about it, even though it's different than it previously was, and I like and was totally comfortable getting (after drawing it on myself everyday for a couple of weeks). I'm never going to be able to wear a tanktop again without people seeing it and probably commenting on it. That's a weird thought. What happens when I get old, will it be weird? ugh. I'm totally freaking out about this when I should be studying... eeeeek. Also I'm afraid it will really really hurt. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 3rd, 2006|01:57 am] |
go away stress nausea!
let me sleep. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2006|09:36 pm] |
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bleh. i feel gross. stupid being sick. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 13th, 2006|05:48 pm] |
the city has changed for me.
i want to go home. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 17th, 2006|05:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bitterly disappointed | ] |
Why can't, for once, something just work out for me? I understand the appreciation that comes from doing things the hard way, just once I'd like things to work out in the first place, is that too much to ask? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|11:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Now it's overheard - Antidote | ] |
Note to self: I will not schmoop. I will not schmoop.
Repeat ad nauseum.
There's so much more I need to say, somewhere. But I'm busy trying to ignore it to make it go away. |
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| Slimey! |
[Jan. 31st, 2006|06:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  schmoopy | ] |
Did you know that Slimey the worm's parents were named Eartha and Dusty and he has a sister named Sloppy?
Well now you do
Yay for Sesame Street.
*This is me wrestling with my girl feelings by procrastinating like mad
**Girly type schmoopy feelings, not feelings for girls
*** Those have already been wrestled with, and I'm good with them |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 28th, 2006|03:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nice | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Me Mom and Morgantaler - Heloise | ] |
Fuck... it's 3:15 and I'm just starting to get started on my day...
Oh well. |
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| Dirty Little Secret .... |
[Jan. 22nd, 2006|06:10 pm] |
I have a dirty little secret, but it's time everyone knew. I've already told a couple people, and now it's time for it to be out in the open. It's not really a big deal at all, for most people it's a normal thing that they can speak about openly and everyone thinks it's perfectly normal and ok, but for me it's not. I've cultivated this image of being very vehemently one certain way when really I've come to realize that I'm the complete opposite.
My secret is that I want to be a mom. Badly. I've always said that I will never have kids, and that the idea of pregnancy makes me ill. And while the thought of a fetus growing in me is still roughly comparable in my mind to a tumor or a alien like in that one movie where it pops out of the woman's chest, the idea of being a mom is awesome to me. I want to be a mom, desperately and terribly, and that desire is terrifying for me, the thought of being the main socializing influence on a little person is so intimidating. I'm afraid I'll screw up, but exhilerated at the thought of trying. I want to be one of those hippy moms that take their kids to Esperanza and wear their babies in slings across their chests. I want to raise my kid by all of these principles that I hold dearly, but don't quite have the hang of actually practicing. I want my kid to grow up so that when they're 13 and in Sunday School making an art project about their beliefs and values they can articulate them coherently and confidently.
In my mind I envision this perfect family of me and my daughter and Max and Little and maybe someone else, but they're not essential at all. In all honesty, there's no one else, I like being single and don't really have any plans to change that, really ever. I'm a minister somewhere so I work from home most of the time, but we live in the city so working from home really consists of going to the park or the coffee shop, and doing errands by bike. There's joy and completeness and that feeling that just makes you go "yeah, this is so right". I want to be one of those awesome young moms whose lives are devoted to their kids but not all about their kids, who bring their kids to their knitting circle and things like that.
I want it to happen soon, like within the next 5 years. I want to get my shit together and start living my life in a way that if suddenly I had a kid it would be ok and my life wouldn't have to drastically change to make it the kind life/environment that I would want to raise my kid in (I know that sounds dumb but I know what I mean). I'm kindof ready for this student life to be over. I love studying and school and where I am in academia, but the rest of my life I'm about 50-50 on. Some things are amazing, and some not so much. Less parties like the one last night, and more dinner parties and sitting around the kitchen table for hours. More cherished personal interaction and less drunken acquaintences.
Now I feel silly for keeping this a secret for so long and making such a big deal about not wanting to be a mom. But really it was something I put out of the picture because I felt like I couldn't have a successful science career and still be a mom. I dunno. |
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| Dedicated to the boy in my english class |
[Jan. 17th, 2006|07:53 pm] |
So unbeknownst to me, I've been immortalized in a Moldy Peaches song. Well not really me, but my psychic twin apparently. I can think of worse people to have as psychic twins than Kimya Dawson.
( Proof! ) |
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| If Winter Ends ... |
[Jan. 13th, 2006|08:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Beulah - Silver Lining | ] |
So the unseasonably warm weather that's been around lately is unnerving me. Every time there is a period of weird or unseasonable weather, I worry that something catastrophic yet terribly subtle has taken place and irreversibly changed the climactic system, thereby setting in motion events causing the end of existence as we know it. I know it's completely irrational, but also completely terrifying and exhilirating to me at the same time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 11th, 2006|11:56 pm] |
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The Erin/Aaron(s) are watching The Excorcism of Emily Rose in the other half of our room. I'm getting ready to go to bed. I predict I'm going to have nightmares. scawy! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 8th, 2006|08:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | converge | ] |
My roommates are sitting in the kitchen talking about anal sex. It's actually hilarious. I love them.
I tried to write a really complain-y snarky post about how I'm unenthusiastic about life and want nothing to do with QueerMcGill and how I feel trapped by my interconnected social circles, but it got lost so I'll take that as a I sign that I shouldn't complain.
I'm having pie and then going to the Ninja High School show with some characters than have no other attachment to my life, so it should be good. |
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| Can't Slow Down - Life Won't Wait |
[Dec. 27th, 2005|11:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Dress Sexy at My Funeral - Smog | ] |
So I've just gotten home from a twoish day stay in the hospital (read 8 hours ago, but anyways). I apparently had the worst case of strep throat that any of the doctors I saw had ever seen, so I guess there's my main acomplishment in life so far. Aside from the horrible pain and not being able to swallow, the hospital stay was actually pretty nice, the bad was comfy, I was in the kids department so the nurses were super nice, and I slept for almost 36 hours, and when I wasn't sleeping I was reading comic books. I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to talk about how going to the hospital made me realize that I need more time for myself and blah blah blah, but really it didn't it was nice to sleep and do nothing for that long, but it'll probably never happen again. I am however barred from drinking, smoking, or doing any drugs for a month (well drugs forever, but anyways), have to go to bed by 11 or get 8 hours of sleep a night and eat heathfully (even if that means not being a vegetarian), and I have to go see a dietitian when I get to school. We'll see how long that all lasts. I should be in bed right now, but considering I slept for 36 hours I think I'm ok.
Anways AL is pretty good. My friends are as lovely and amazing as always. I've gotten over feeling like they're cooler than me, and truly believe them when they say they want to hang out with me. yay. There was a little Montreal style debauchery, which was a first, but hopefully not a last. Uh yeah, my kittens are adorable, but nocturnal; not a plus when they're sleeping in my room. My family is ok; everytime I come home our relationship is redefined a little bit more. This time it was the smashing of most holiday traditions, I still don't know how I feel about that, but oh well, life goes on. Uh yeah, I don't know what to say, I don't write real things in here anymore.
All in all, I'm lovely but my teeth hurt |
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| Holy Fuck! |
[Dec. 20th, 2005|10:38 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | US Maple - Open a Rose | ] |
I'm actually afraid to write about this for fear that it is a mistake, but here goes ...
I got an A in Calc 2!!!!!!!!!
That 'Dear whomever is grading my test please have mercy on my grade because I am too stupid to be a science student' letter I wrote in my exam must have worked. |
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| New Years Resolutions |
[Dec. 15th, 2005|07:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick of the library | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Area - futureheads | ] |
1) Workout (of some sort) 5x a week.
2) Spend all on campus non-class, non-office hours in the library.
3) Don't judge people who only take the elevator to the 3rd or 4th floor.
4) Less refined sugar!
5) Be less shy. |
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| Raccoons in Africa? |
[Dec. 15th, 2005|01:58 pm] |
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So in my African history notes I have it written down that the Axumites traded raccoons, along with emeralds, obsidian, skins, turtle shells and slaves. Last time I checked raccoons were native to North America. I wonder what that was supposed to say. |
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paloomph's journal
tired